My daughter

Restless. That would be the word I use to describe myself tonight. I've gone to bed twice. I've gotten up twice. Mind you, both times I've been exhausted. In fact, I fell asleep during Pride and Prejudice, which is one of my favorite movies. I woke-up in time to see Mr. Darcy proposing in a rainstorm to Elizabeth Bennett. I watched the proposal from half-closed eyes and turned off the movie after she rejected him. Feeling as if I could sleep anywhere due to my exhaustion, I climbed into bed and my mind started to race. 

There are a 1001 things I need to do tomorrow and I've put them all off to the same day. A day that I can already tell won't have enough time in its hours. My kids get out of school tomorrow for the summer and I'm quietly panicking, as I don't know what I will do with them for two and half months?! Of course there is always swimming or the children's museum or movies to see, but I just feel like I should have a better plan. Alas, I don't. Such is life.

Today I attended my third-grade daughters end-of-year party. A little boy who introduced himself to me at the Valentine's Day party, as someone I needed to know, proceeded to relay the story of how he met my daughter. It was on the soccer fields he said. He looked at her with adoring eyes and asked if she remembered. Yes, she said, you bumped into me. He laughed a ten-year old laugh and said he knew that -- he meant to bump into her. Another little girl sitting at their four-tabled-square said, Paige, did you tell your mom what you did today? My daughter proceeded to blush and shook her head. The little girls eyes grew wide, as she knew she had started a story I would expect her to finish. All of a sudden taking a keen interest in her Hot Fries chips, the little girl told me quietly, Paige tried to hold Williams hand when we were walking outside. Nodding my head in understanding, I just said, ah, I see -- and I guess I did. Clearly William adores her, in his own way, and he is none to happy with me that she will not be returning to the school next year. 

While it was scary for me to see as a mother, it also reminded me of a time when things weren't so complicated. When holding someones hand was the epitome of saying you care. I remembered briefly what it felt like to be ten and my belief that I knew it at all. Pulling me from my reverie at times, Paige yelled at him once that he was reckless, just purely reckless. He laughed and put on an even bigger show to make sure she looked nowhere else. Another time he needed a napkin after spilling some water, and she immediately jumped up and yelled, I'll get it for you. She never moves that fast at home. I realized all in all this afternoon, I was seeing glimpses of the young lady to emerge. When daughter and sister are no longer her only titles. When she eventually will add ones like girlfriend or wife. Some people may wonder how I can project that onto a girl that is not yet grown, but I saw who she will become so clearly today. Devoted. Loving. Fits of laughter. Easily entertained. Intelligent. A tad bit chiding. And of course, she will mother and nurture, because that is what she does. All of these things are what she is already, none of them are new, but I think I just finally saw them all and appreciated them in one setting. No matter what I've done. Whether or not people in my life have agreed with my parenting style or not. Today I looked at my daughter and the friends that surrounded her, doted on her, and I knew instinctively; I've done something right.


Love, 
The Rambling Gypsy