Forgiveness isn't for the other person. Forgiveness is for yourself. Forgiveness does not condone their actions, but it allows you to move on. Without it, you will be stuck exactly where you are.
Imagine my surprise to hear the above statement coming from Gene Simmons Family Jewels. I am not a fan of KISS. I really didn't even know who Gene Simmons was until I happen to stumble onto his show. The dynamic of his family intrigued me and I kept watching. This past season they dealt with some heavy issues. Issues that quite frankly I'm surprised they allowed to be shown fully on the show. As one of the final episodes was coming to a close, the lines above were spoken at a marriage boot camp Gene and Shannon attended. Those few lines somehow managed to explain something I had been questioning for months; how do you forgive someone else for what they did to you and how does someone even begin to forgive me?
During numerous conversations, I have expressed disbelief that a certain person in my life could possibly forgive me for certain actions. They were never able to express how they had forgiven me or even why, but simply kept reinstating that they just wanted to move on and they want to move on with me in their life. Meanwhile, they understood that for either of us to move on completely, I had to forgive someone else and I had to let go of the hurt and anger that I was continuing to bottle up. Being the stubborn person I am -- I refused to do so. Still, it takes a lot of energy to stay angry, and I was beginning to lose the fight, but I thought that to forgive meant that I condoned how everything unraveled.
The words spoken on Gene Simmons show made me realize I was viewing the situation all wrong and for once I began to understand how it was possible for this other person to have forgiven me. It really wasn't that they had forgiven me per say or were able to condone my actions, but they had begun to forgive their part in our undoing. By forgiving himself, he was able to move on and it just happens he still wants to move on with me. It's quite funny actually that since hearing this statement, I seriously feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm okay with moving on. I don't want to be stuck where I've been for months on end, and if that means I have to forgive myself and let go, then that's what I have to do. Forgiving oneself is harder I think than forgiving someone else, but it is just as necessary.
See, who said reality television never taught us anything?
Love,
The Rambling Gypsy
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